


Sightless in a Savage Land [Rafael Barba]

by law_nerd105



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, Feelings, Feels, Kissing, Porn with Feelings, Reunion Sex, Reunions, Smut, Some crying, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:08:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28243674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/law_nerd105/pseuds/law_nerd105
Summary: No spoilers.Rafael's back in town, having left you hurt and broken years ago. But now he's here to stay, and you're ready to welcome him back with open arms.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Reader, Rafael Barba/You
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19





	Sightless in a Savage Land [Rafael Barba]

"And, how's (Y/N)?" Rafael asked, almost nervous to know the true answer. Olivia sighed as she considered the question.

"To be quite honest with you, Rafa, she could've been better. She was an absolute mess after you left, she even took some time off. When she came back she threw herself into her work. Rollins said she was spending more time at the shooting ranks as of last year," Olivia shook her head as she thought back about it.

Rafael looked down at his coffee cup, almost as if in shame.

"Eventually she got a little bit better though," Olivia paused, looking at Rafael with a soft look on her face. "She still misses you, a lot."

"I screwed up," he sighed.  
"It's understandable, Rafael, for her to be that upset. You were seeing each other for almost three years."  
"I thought we were going to get married," he scoffed at the thought now. Almost finding it ridiculous that he had been naïve enough to have believed that.

"Everyone did," he looked up at Olivia as she spoke. "Hell, you even fought for her to stay in our unit after you both disclosed."

"I shouldn't have left," Rafael muttered, more to himself than anyone else.  
"Things change, life happens," Olivia shrugged her shoulders.

Rafael ran his hands down his bearded face, pushing his empty coffee cup away from him.  
"I tried keeping in touch with her. But we decided, before I left, that it would be best to end it rather than go through the struggles of a long distance relationship."

Olivia nodded in understanding, also pushing her empty cup to the center of the table.  
"It was for the better."  
"Do you think she'll even want to see me?" Olivia scoffed in disbelief, as if she couldn't believe he would even suggest such a thing.

"Are you kidding? She'll be ecstatic," Rafael's lips turned up into a half smile at that thought. "One thing though, Rafa," and just like that his smile was gone again, as Olivia's voice became suddenly serious. "She won't be able to handle it if you leave her again."

Rafael's famous smirk settled on the corner of his lips, even as Olivia was looking at him quite seriously.  
"Then it's a good thing I'm here to stay this time."

***

"Hey, Amanda?" I approached Amanda's desk while I was stirring my recently made coffee. She looked away from her computer screen to look up at me.

"Hmm?"  
"Are you busy tonight?" she leaned back in her chair, fiddling with her pen as she thought.  
"I'll see if I can get my nanny. You want to go out for drinks?" I nodded.

"Kat," I turned over my shoulder to look at the younger woman who sat at her desk, focusing intently on her phone screen. Her eyes instantly snapped up to mine. "We're going out for drinks tonight. Do you want to come?"

"I'll be there," I smiled, satisfied, and headed back to my desk. I set my things down, getting ready to get to work.

"Hey, did Carisi ever send us the warrant?" Amanda opened her mouth to respond to me, but never got a chance to.  
"Typical. Fordham law could only get him so far."

I spun around in an instant. Not knowing what to make of the soothing voice that I hadn't heard in years. He was smirking. He always was. And I was in his arms before I could think of anything to say.

I don't know when the tears started gathering in my eyes, but the next thing I knew, I was sobbing into his expensive dress shirt.

Rafael was quick to wrap his arms tightly around my body. He leaned his head down to kiss the top of my head, then rested his face into the curve of my neck.

"Hey, Cariño," he purred softly into my ear, stroking up and down my spine to ease my quiet sobs.

My hands clung and clawed at the back of his shirt, desperately trying to hold onto him. I was too scared that he would leave me again if I let go.

Rafael slowly pulled away, and I whined, trying to keep him against me. He smiled down at me, his veined hands cupped my jaw. I latched my hands onto his wrists, being sure to keep a tight hold on him.

Rafael ran his thumbs over my cheeks in an attempt to clear away my tears. He then leaned down to place a kiss to my lips. Soft, and most definitely too short for my liking.

"God, I missed you," I breathed out. His hands dropped down to my waist, standing up straight when he pulled me into his chest.

"I missed you too. So much so, that I woke up every morning and my first thoughts were always of how much I regretted leaving you."

I shut my eyes and nuzzled my head into his chest, taking my time to inhale the familiar, musky scent of his cologne. All of those memories, that I had tried so desperately to shove to the back of my mind, came rushing back to me.

"I love you," I whispered, wrapping my arms around his broad back.  
"I never stopped loving you," he murmured, tightening his hold on me. And I smiled. Truly smiled for the first time in a very long time.

-

"Who's that?" Kat asked, walking to stand next to where Amanda stood at her desk.

"Rafael Barba, the-"  
"The guy that's had (Y/N) so upset?" Amanda nodded.  
"You should've seen her when he first left. She was much better now than she was two, three years ago," Amanda said, neither women taking their eyes off of the scene in front of them.

"How so?" Kat asked. Amanda heaved a sigh.  
"Well," she started. "After he left, she pretty much fell apart. She used to be miserable in the mornings when she came into work. Her eyes were always red and swollen. Eventually, you could clearly see that she wasn't sleeping enough. No one dared to step wrong around her, she became a hot head. Always on edge. She never went out anymore, only recently started again. Although, she still barely leaves her house."

"I remember you told me about Peter Stone?" Kat interrupted. Amanda chuckled slightly as she thought back.  
"Yeah. He had it the worst out of all of us. After a few weeks, she put in for all of her vacation days. I remember she told me that she wanted to go visit him, but I don't think she ever did, and I never dared to ask her."

"Jesus. She really fell apart, didn't she?" Amanda shook her head, chuckling again.  
"That's the understatement of the century. They were together for three years before he left. Hell, (Y/N) even strongly considered leaving the unit just to move with him. I honestly thought she was about to do it."

"What changed her mind?" Kat asked, intrigued now, turning to face Amanda.  
"She was too scared," Kat furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, but waited for Amanda to continue on.

"Scared of what?" she asked when she saw that Amanda wasn't going to add anything else to her statement.  
"Scared of how he might have changed. Scared of finding out anything he might have done after leaving."

-

Rafael and I were walking down the street, the night sky above us, as we walked against each other back to my apartment.

We had our arms around each other, and I clung to his side in an attempt to stay close.

We walked in silence, truth be told, I didn't know what to say to him anymore. We went out for dinner, and we spent the night catching up. Avoiding the actual elephant in the room.

Stopping in front of my door, I felt my nerves wrecking as if I was a goddamn teenager again. As if I was walking home after my first date with Rafael again.

"I haven't been with anyone since you left," I suddenly blurted out, focusing my eyes on unlocking the door. "I want you to know that," I added shyly at the end, pushing the door open.

I forced myself to turn around to face him. It wasn't that I didn't want to look at him, but that I was scared that I would start sobbing all over again if I were to look into his dark green eyes. I had spent hours getting lost in his eyes before, always feeling safe and at home. But, it's been years. It's been years since I've felt that comfort with anyone.

"I tried," he muttered, and I could almost hear my heart breaking. "There was a woman at my office who seemed interested in me. I thought that, maybe if I went on a date with her, I could start to move on. But, I never got through the date. I left before the food even arrived. And after that, I just decided that dating anyone other than you, wasn't good enough for me."

I swiped at my eyes with the back of my hand, having felt the tears gather there as he was talking.

"I was a mess after you left."  
"I was a mess after I left."

I took a moment to stare into his eyes, feeling that comfort and safety settle in me again. Even after all the time that had passed.

"I love you," he stepped closer towards me, his hands settling on my hips as if it was out of habit. Which it likely was.

"I love you too."

Out of natural habit, out of instinct, as Rafael leaned down towards my lips, my arms wrapped around his neck to pull him closer.

And his lips landed on mine in the way I've been longing for for the past three years. He didn't even have to lick my lips, like he always used to, for me to part my lips for him.

His tongue slid into my mouth, and that familiar tingle settled in the pit of my stomach again. We took the time to re-explore each other's mouths, making sure to each take our sweet time in doing so.

And just like he always had, Rafael led me into my apartment. The one I had begged my landlord to rent me again after Rafael had left. He knew where to go, he knew where to lead us both to get us where we both wanted to be.

His feet followed the path to my bedroom out of memory, like the thousands of times before.

Our lips stayed together as he moved, his hands still gripping onto my hips until he slithered them down to the back of my thighs during our walk.

He didn't even have to ask me to jump. I already knew. And for a mere moment, it felt like no time at all had passed. Because we fit together so perfectly. We knew each other so well. We just... worked.

Rafael gripped my thighs tightly, walking me into my bedroom and dropping me onto my back on the bed.

"I've missed this. I've missed you," he breathed as he settled above me, planting his hands next to my head.

His mouth trailed down from my lips, kissing his way down my jaw to the skin of my neck. I gasped when I felt his teeth sink into my neck. He sucked a bruise into my skin before he let go to move lower.

His hands fiddled with the hem of my shirt, but he made quick work of pulling it over my head. His gaze lingered on my breasts for longer than it usually would. As if it was the first time again.

His one hand reached up, cupping my breast in his hand. I watched him as he watched his hand.

"I never could forget this," he smirked, sliding his hand around to my back to quickly unclasp my bra and toss it to the floor somewhere.

When he stood at the foot of the bed, pulling my legs to dangle off the edge, I giggled. He made quick work of taking off everything I had worn from the waist down, while I unbuttoned enough buttons of his shirt so that he could pull it over his head.

I took a moment to myself to simply stare at his broad chest. I sat upright so that Rafael was standing between my legs. I placed both my hands on his bare, hairy chest. I threaded my fingers of my one hand through his dark, curly chest hair and tugged lightly. Rafael's chest rose and fell as he tried to steady his breathing.

Oh, how I have missed this.

My other hand reached up, sliding up his strong arm, to thread through the hair at the back of his head.

"I love you," I whispered.  
"Fuck, I love you too."

Rafael quickly shrugged out of his pants and boxers, and I almost moaned at the sight of his erect cock.

"Fuck, Rafael," he outright chuckled at that.  
"After all the time we've been together?" he teased, pushing me up the bed and moving to hover over me again.  
"It's been a while, okay?"

I smiled, simply because he was smiling.  
"Do you have any condoms?" he asked, leaning down to kiss my breasts, drawing a nipple into his mouth. I chuckled.

"Yeah, I think there's still a box in the nightstand."  
"From before I left?" he blew onto my nipple before sucking again, I could feel the smile on his lips.  
"After," I admitted embarrassed. "I didn't get any, but I still had hopes you would come back though."

Rafael pushed himself up to look into my eyes. A mischievous glint in them as he kissed the tip of my nose.  
"Well, aren't you glad now?" he asked, leaning across the bed to get it.  
"Definitely."

When Rafael was settled above me again, I didn't hesitate to lock my legs around his torso.

"Are you sure you're ready?" he teased.  
"Don't be a smartass, Rafi."

His sinful smirk fell away.  
"I missed when you called me that," he confessed softly. He placed a gentle kiss to my wet, parted lips.  
"Don't make me cry again," my voice betrayed me, cracking and faltering when I did speak.

"I'm sorry I left you," I noticed how his eyes were glossy with threatening tears. "I shouldn't have left. I love you."

At that admission, I did allow a few tears to roll.  
"It's okay. You're here now. I love you too."

He pressed his face into the curve of my shoulder, gently kissing and sucking on my skin while his one hand slid down my body to between my spread legs.

I bucked my hips up into him when his two fingers slid up and down my slick folds. I moaned when his fingers slowly slid inside of me all the way.

"God, I forgot how much I missed this," I moaned out. Rafael mumbled something unintelligible into my shoulder. I whined and withered beneath him as he worked me to the edge with his fingers.

His fingers curled perfectly inside of me, thrusting in and out of me at a steady pace. I never could manage to get myself to the edge like he could.

He withdrew his fingers from my heat, placing his fingers at my parted lips. And, just like old times, I knew what to do. I opened my mouth and he pushed his fingers into my mouth, ordering me to suck.

"Fuck, such a good girl for me," I whimpered at his words. I missed how he always talked to me during sex. How his words always got me close. "Just how I remember."

I sucked on his fingers, starting to remember how I would always suck him off at his office when I went to pick up a warrant. My movements faltered slightly when I felt his hard cock tease my entrance.

"God, you're so wet."

I moaned around his fingers as he slid into me, pinching my eyes closed and bucking up into him. I felt a single tear roll down my cheek.

Everything felt so good. It felt fantastic to have him with me again. To have him in me again. It was too much.

He pulled his fingers from my mouth, placing both his hands beside my head. He groaned into my ear when he was fully inside of me.

"So warm. So wet," he grunted as he started thrusting his hips at a steady pace. I gasped, then my breaths spiraled off into deep, long moans as he fucked me.

"Rafael," my hand moved down in between our bodies. My fingers landing on my clit.

Rafael looked down between us, where he was entering me. He watched my fingers with a daze.

"Shit, Cariño."

I rubbed circles on my clit, trying to match the pace of Rafael's thrusts. I felt the knot in my stomach tighten, my thighs starting to clench.

"Rafi, I'm close," I warned. I felt myself clench around Rafael, his thrusts going rapid. He was panting, and I knew he was getting close.

My fingernails dug into the smooth skin of his shoulder blades as I screamed with my orgasm.  
"Rafael!"  
"Fuck," he grunted as he came inside the condom, his hips gradually coming to a stop.

He didn't move. Both of us were panting, trying desperately hold onto each other.

He slowly slid out of me, dragging a gasp from me. Then he collapsed onto his back at my side. His hair was muse and we were both sweaty and sore.

I looked over at Rafael when I could feel my breathing start to calm down.

"Rafael," my voice was hoarse and laced with nervousness. He looked over at me, a smile on his lips as he pulled me into his chest.

"I love you, Cariño," my heart swelled at the words. And I could feel myself starting to feel happy again. Truly happy. But, there was one thing that still lingered at the back of my mind. One thing I needed to know before I got my hopes up.

"Are you going to leave me again?" I looked up at him as he looked down at me.  
"No, Cariño. I'm here to stay. I don't think either of us would survive if I left again. And I'm sorry that I ever did."

"Is there anyway that we could just, pick up where we left off before you left," I whispered leaning closer towards his lips.  
"Most definitely."

Our lips melted together. And this was the type of kiss from Rafael that I missed the most. The one that told me that he was always there to stay.

"I love you."  
"I love you too."

***

I strolled into the precinct the following morning with a bright smile on my lips and a stack of to - go coffees in my hands.

For the first morning in years I felt ready for the day. I had finally had a good night's sleep. Even though I didn't end up sleeping as much.

"Good morning," I greeted cheerfully, giving Kat and Amanda a coffee.

Amanda had a knowing smirk on her lips, and Kat simply smiled.  
"Feeling better today?" Amanda asked, twirling around in her desk chair to look at me.

"Maybe," my smirk was as wide and as knowing as hers.  
"Get a good night's rest?"  
"Not really," I winked, and both women laughed.

"I'm glad you're feeling better," Amanda said.  
"So am I."


End file.
